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Releasing Guilt and Shame

2/2/2025

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 


I want to speak on the power of guilt and shame and seeing them clearly. Guilt and shame are similar, yet different, powerful emotions that can significantly influence our human behavior and decision-making. Their power lies in their ability to shape our actions, thoughts, relationships, and personal growth. Both guilt and shame can weigh us down and yet inspire transformation. Through God’s grace and forgiveness, we can release our shame and guilt and embrace the freedom that comes from Christ’s love.

 

Guilt results when we cross a moral line, when we perceive we have done something wrong, said something that was hurtful, or thought something critical, judgmental, or condescending against God, someone else, or even ourselves.  Guilt is a universal emotion, and it is a natural response designed to lead us to repentance and change. However, when guilt lingers and becomes a constant companion, it transforms from a helpful guide into a destructive force.

 

The same can be said of shame. Shame is a powerful, often debilitating emotion that arises when an individual feels a deep sense of inadequacy, unworthiness, or dishonor. Unlike guilt, which is typically linked to specific actions or behaviors, shame is more about the individual's sense of self.

 

Romans 3:23 tells us that, “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.”  I say they are universal because nearly all of us have felt the influence of these two emotional marauders. There are two categories of people who do not feel either guilt or shame. The first are those who never do, think, or say anything that is judgmental, hurtful, or prideful. The numbers in the category are very few.

 

The second category contains people who are unaware that they speak, behave, or think in ways that harm or demean others. These people never feel guilt for their words, actions, or thoughts because they don’t realize they have transgressed against the laws that are written on our hearts by God. They never feel shame because they believe they are better than everyone else, beyond judgment or criticism by anyone. The fact that a person may not feel guilt or shame does not affect his or her status legally or morally, but it does affect the way they live their life.

 

We treat both guilt and shame the same, and the first part of eliminating this duo is to notice that we feel their presence. So, if you feel guilty or shame sometimes, congratulations, you are human and can differentiate between right from wrong. Just know that some people cannot distinguish between good and evil, right and wrong, productive and unproductive, hurtful and helpful.

 

Some therapists will counsel us to stay with the discomfort of guilt and shame until we explore its origins and clearly identify what we did, said, or thought that triggered their appearance. By just being with these emotions without judgment, without reaction, we can learn that they are just temporary intrusive visitors.

It is easy to identify the origins of shame and guilt when we examine our words and actions for emotional activators. But it is our thoughts that can muddy things. Are we feeling guilt or shame, or some of both? The first step in releasing unwanted emotions is to identify them and find their impetus.

 

After we know what we are dealing with, the Bible has much to say about handling them. The first suggestion is to tell God about whatever is causing our guilt. Psalm 32:5 says, “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD .” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”

 

It is cathartic to express our feelings to God, a therapist, a friend we trust. Confessing our transgressions to Christ can ease our nagging shame and guilt. Speak the words to God, thank Him for being forgiven, and then forgive ourselves. Self-forgiveness is crucial to our mental and spiritual health. It is normal to feel regret, but it becomes destructive to continually beat ourselves up. We must continue to love ourselves, just the way we are.

 

Being aware in this moment of how we feel can lead us toward self-compassion. Treating our self with kindness and understanding and recognizing the inherent fallibility of being human is essential to cultivate self-compassion. When faced with a mistake or failure, instead of harsh self-criticism for not living up to unrealistic expectations, why not encourage and support our self, as we would a friend or loved one?

 

We can challenge our distorted thinking, by identifying and replacing negatively skewed thoughts with more balanced ones. For example, instead of thinking “I ruined the relationship,” consider saying, “Although I made mistakes, many factors contributed to the relationship ending.” We can acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes. It is natural and there’s nothing wrong making multiple attempts to accomplish something.

 

Spiritual teacher Thich Nhat Hann taught, “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, guilt, or possessions—we cannot be free.” Admitting that no guilt, regret, or despair can change anything in the past can help us become more present in this moment. By letting go, we become free.

 

Our ego can keep us chained to guilt and shame. Know that God forgives us for the stupid mistakes and hurtful things that we have done. But sometimes we still feel guilt and shame. This is the ego trying to convince us of lies. It whispers, “You don’t deserve full pardon until you show God how sorry you are. You must continue to carry the burden of shame because you deserve it.” Our ego tries to convince us that we are not worthy of God’s love, pardon, and forgiveness until we have punished ourselves. It  plants the seed-thought that to hang on to guilt and shame is being humble, more Christian, the better person.

 

Lies, all of it lies. True humility accepts God’s unearned pardon and grace with gratitude. But the Ego says, “God may forgive me, but my standard is higher than God’s. What Jesus did on the cross may be sufficient to cover other sins, but not mine. I will continue to carry my shame until I decide I have paid for it.” In clinging to guilt and shame, we insult the sacrifice of Christ by implying that His death and his being was not powerful enough, was insufficient to cover every sin. This prideful and destructive egotism blocks us from growing into the pure vessel God wants us to be. Let it go; don’t listen to the lies.

 

Spirit also whispers to us. It is a message of love and says, “Use the guilt and shame you are feeling as acknowledgment that I am always with you, guiding you, instructing you, shaping you. You are perfect just as you are, and you are not done yet.” Guilt and shame serve as a strong motivator for behavioral change. They drive us to alter our conduct when we have done something we are hurtful. Guilt can energize us to make amends, atone, or apologize for our actions.

 

Shame can require more effort to manage than guilt because its focus is on our self-worth, not on our actions. The methods for handling shame are the same as handling guilt, but with more awareness, more self-compassion, more mindfulness of what we are thinking and feeling at this moment, more effort in reframing our thoughts from negative to positive, and more time spent in prayer and in the Silence with Christ and the presence of God.  

 

There is hope in Isaiah 54:4, “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don't be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.” God removes our shame of the past and promises a new beginning.

 

Despite their negative connotations, properly directed guilt and shame can be our allies. They can act as learning tools for personal growth and moral development. Guilt helps maintain social bonds by promoting reparative actions after transgressions. It is excessive or chronic guilt that can be detrimental to one's mental health and well-being. Learning to manage guilt in a healthy way is crucial for maintaining balance and fostering spiritual growth.

 

Shame, when managed properly, can reveal that we have violated our own moral code or the expectations of the world. This realization can prompt introspection and motivate us to behave more ethically in the future. It becomes a catalyst for personal growth and self-improvement, for self-awareness, improved decision-making, for a greater sense of accountability, and the development of healthier coping mechanisms.

 

It is my prayer that we see guilt and shame not as the enemy, but as guides, a mirror. Guilt and shame often signal that something is misaligned with our values or goals. Addressing these areas can lead to meaningful personal development and a more fulfilling life. I pray that we find balance in the lessons that our guilt and shame reveal. I pray that we find God in the silence and let God’s love open us to Spirit’s movement in our hearts and lives. Release, feel God’s peace, love ourselves, and be free.  

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