Self-Compassion and Self-Forgiveness

05/18/2025

Although we are spiritual beings, living in a physical world, having a human experience, we still must contend with this human body and the challenges we face because of our physicality. A few weeks ago, we began looking at some of the hardest lessons we face as human beings. We have considered releasing the ego and growing in humility, as well as accepting the impermanence of the physical world. These are lessons of the self, tough lessons that can throw us off course.  

Today I want to examine one more lesson of the self, and that is self-compassion and self-forgiveness. This is a topic often overlooked in our walk with God. Many of us are quick to offer grace and understanding to others, but when it comes to ourselves, we can be our harshest critic. Yet, the Bible reveals a God who is rich in mercy and invites us to extend that same mercy inward.

As we look at ourselves, compassion and forgiveness are essential practices for emotional well-being, personal growth, and spiritual maturity. They involve recognizing our own suffering, responding with kindness rather than harsh self-judgment, and allowing ourselves to heal and move forward.

God’s love and compassion are the basis for our own compassion and self-forgiveness. Psalm 103:8 says: “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” When we practice self-compassion, we are not just drawing on our own resources. The very source of compassion toward ourselves and others is God. We are created in God’s image, and God’s compassion is foundational to who He is. So, when we show ourselves compassion, we are embodying God’s presence and love in our lives. This perspective shifts self-compassion from a purely therapeutic or inward-looking act to one that is anchored in divinity. It becomes a way of participating in God’s ongoing work of love and grace in the world.

Self-compassion opens us up to God’s grace. Instead of being trapped in cycles of self-condemnation or harsh self-judgment, we allow God’s forgiveness and healing. This surrender reveals God’s hand in our daily experiences – not just in moments of success, but also in our failures and pain. By offering ourselves the same grace God extends to us, we honor God and live more fully in His presence.  Practicing self-compassion is not just self-care; it is a spiritual act that helps us see God in all we do.

God’s compassion is not just for the righteous, but for all His children. He knows our weaknesses and frailties, and He accepts us where we are with kindness and understanding, not condemnation. If God, who knows us completely, is compassionate toward us, should we not also show compassion to ourselves?

In Mark 12:31 Jesus teaches us to “love your neighbor as yourself.” This command assumes we will love ourselves in a healthy, godly way. Self-compassion is not self-indulgence. It is not selfishness; it is obedience. It is recognizing our humanity, our need for grace, and treating ourselves with the same gentleness we would offer a friend in need. Ephesians 4:32 encourages us: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” This kindness and compassion are not just for others – they are for us, too.

Many of us carry around shame and guilt even though God has forgiven us and Christ died so that we can rise above any earthly misdeed. But we forget, or hide from this love, and live in the shame of our decisions. The guilt and shame are there for a purpose – to make us aware of our transgression. They are meant as temporary signposts, not life-long tormentors.

1 John 1:9 assures us: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all evil.”  God forgives us. Not reluctantly, not partially – but fully and joyfully. Big things, little things. When we turn to God and lay our indiscretions at His feet, admit what we have done, we are on the path to wholeness. Whatever we have done, we are forgiven. Turning to God with our mistakes does not cause God to forgive us; that is a done deal already. But by turning to God, we are convincing ourselves and opening our minds and heart to healing.  We are admitting that we are not in control; we are not the one with the power to live a godly life. We need God.

Second, by turning to God we are demonstrating humility and the understanding that guilt and shame are not from God, and they are not evil villains; they are the results of not following the instructions written on our heart. Third, by turning to God with our blunders we reveal our awareness of causing some sort of pain or hurt to someone or ourselves. Through this process of surrender and disclosure, we accept our healing and forgiveness.

God’s forgiveness is complete. Romans 8:1 proclaims: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” If God does not condemn us, why do we continue to condemn ourselves? True self-forgiveness is not forgetting or excusing our mistakes but accepting God’s grace and letting go of the chains of self-condemnation. If we do not acknowledge God’s forgiveness, there can be no self-forgiveness or self-compassion.

Paul writes in Philippians 3:13-14: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” We are called to move forward, not to dwell endlessly on past failures. God’s grace is not just a one-time gift; it is a daily invitation to live in freedom and hope.

To move forward, we must become aware of the words we are using when speaking to ourselves. Would we say this to a friend who failed? If not, why say it to our self. Let us fill our self-talk with grace and love.

Moving forward requires that we accept God’s love and forgiveness as a gift. It is not something that can be earned. We are to fill our heads and hearts with the truth, not what the world wants us to hear. When we feel self-condemnation, or unworthiness, speak God’s word to our little self: “I am a new creation in Christ.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) “I am forgiven and free.” (John 8:36). Jesus already bore our punishment on the cross. We unintentionally dishonor Christ’s purpose and death when we crucify ourselves.

We do not mean to do that, so let us stop that behavior.

Moving forward, as Paul writes, requires that we let go of the past. But to let go, sometimes we need to face the past head on and not bury it. To move on we need to embrace what we want to bury and avoid. When we fill those negative emotions with the Light and Love of God they dissolve.

A simple way to do this is to acknowledge the shame or guilt. If we are hanging on to it, there is a small part of us that does not want to let it go; it needs healing. When that pain of shame or guilt surfaces, acknowledge it, stay with it, and surround it with the love and light of Spirit as you would a child or a friend who is hurting.  Bring compassion, kindness, and gratitude to the pain. It is there because it needs your attention and love.

Speak lovingly to the pain of your inner child. Something like, “Dear little Patrick, I am aware of the pain I have caused you, and I feel the hurt of that pain. I ask for your forgiveness. I am also aware of the pain you have caused me. Thank you for holding that pain in your attempt to teach me the true ways of Spirit. I now understand my errors; I forgive you and release you from carrying that pain.”

Colossian 3:12 tells us, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” This kindness, patience, and compassion are meant to be extended inward, recognizing our own need for God’s loving grace.

It is my prayer that we remember that God calls us to forgive others and ourselves. God calls us to be compassionate toward others and invites us to be compassionate toward ourselves. I pray that we acknowledge before God our mistakes with honesty and humility, receive God’s forgiveness with gratitude, release guilt and shame, for they are not ours to carry; they belong to Christ. I pray that we move forward in the freedom and joy of God’s grace and learn to see ourselves through the eyes of our loving Father. May His compassion and forgiveness flow through us to others, and to ourselves.