11/17/2024
Peter 3:8
Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers and sisters, be tenderhearted, be courteous.
We are exploring various virtues. Virtues are the cornerstone of ethics and morality, impacting how we navigate our lives. I explain them as God’s love refracted into multifarious forms, each virtue an individual aspect of Divine Love. Living in alignment with these various virtues provides a more fulfilling life, one in which we intrinsically value the worth of humanity.
By recognizing and being aware of the diversity of virtues within us and others, we can more readily see how we reflect God’s love in who we are, how we live, and the choices we make. Using the idea of virtues, we can recognize our own uniqueness and understand that we all share God’s love in different ways. Some may have more of one virtue than another, but we all have many virtues that make up who we are.
The virtue I want to investigate today is simple, fundamental, essential, and is often lacking in today’s culture, and that is courtesy. I may have referred to this virtue in relationship to other related virtues like kindness or goodness, but today it takes centerstage because it has extreme value in and of itself.
Courtesy is more than just politeness or good manners, which is known as common courtesy. Although God’s love expresses through these simple means, we are drawn to develop uncommon courtesy, and that reflects our love and respect for others. It is about treating others with kindness, humility, and compassion. God’s uncommon courtesy has three components. The first is politeness. But second is consideration. That is being thoughtful and considerate of others’ feelings and needs. Third, it involves respect: Showing regard, acceptance, approval, and appreciation.
In our fast-paced and often insolent world, even small acts of courtesy can make a significant difference. Whether it’s a smile, a kind word, or a helping hand, these gestures echo the love of Christ in us. Christ has no body now but ours, and when Christ is using our body, hands, face, or words, it is always done with courtesy.
In Colossians 4:6 we read, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Courtesy is rooted in the teachings of Jesus. It is about treating others with kindness, humility, and respect with our words, behaviors, attitude, thoughts, and intentions. It is about putting others before ourselves, and showing genuine concern for their well-being. In a world that frequently values self-interest and competition, courtesy stands out as a beacon of Christ’s love.
As in all virtues, we must be aware of our status in terms of courtesy. Are we courteous? Do we speak with kindness? When we speak, how is our tone, as well as our vocabulary and facial expression? What about our thoughts, attitudes, and intentions? Are they filled with respect, regard, and acceptance? If not currently imbued with courtesy, we can practice.
Practicing courtesy helps us grow spiritually and emotionally. It fosters a sense of humility and gratitude, reminding us that we are all God’s children, deserving of respect and kindness. Courtesy is the foundation of healthy relationships. It involves listening attentively, speaking kindly, and showing empathy. These small acts of kindness build trust and strengthen our bonds with others.
When we practice courtesy, we create a positive and welcoming environment. Whether at home, work, or in our community, acts of courtesy can transform the atmosphere, making it more pleasant and harmonious. As followers of Christ, we are called to be His ambassadors. Our actions and words should reflect His love and grace. Courtesy is a powerful way to demonstrate the love of Christ to those around us.
In 1986, a fantastic book came out that reminds us how to live courteously. It was written by Robert Fulghum and is called All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. He shares life principles that every generation tries to teach their children. Even today, we get videos from Daniel and Samantha and in some of them they are teaching Arlo these principles at 2-years old.
Fulghum wrote, “All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandpile at school.” Here is his list.
1. Share everything – including bandwidth, the remote, paychecks, diaper duty, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, hugs and kisses.
2. Play fair. – In Christ, life is not about an argument we are trying to win; it is about an understanding we are trying to find.
3. Don't hit people. You can’t take it back, and it’s a felony.
4. Put things back where you found them. Keys, toothpaste tops, filled gas tanks on borrowed cars.
5. Clean up your own mess. Not just things, but make amends for upsetting someone.
6. Don't take things that aren't yours. Allow people to have and be.
7. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. See clean up your mess.
8. Wash your hands before you eat. Keep your mind/body clean.
9. Flush. Yes, that, but also – let it go. If it is less than good, come to terms with it and then let it go. Flush it away and move on.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Enjoy life.
11. Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some. Find the balance and make life a dance.
12. Take a nap every afternoon. This is part of finding balance.
13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Always watch out for each other, keep each other safe.
14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we; so love each other.
16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.”
In all Dick and Jane books the word ‘look’ is a predominant word. In life, looking, observing, noticing, and acknowledging is a predominant activity; it is the foundation of courtesy. As we live, we have the choice to look or divert our eyes. Courtesy asks that we look someone in the eyes and recognize the source of our courtesy – Christ. As we see, we have the choice to recognize them as another child of God, or as something with no value. Courtesy asks that we recognize and acknowledge their value. As we recognize them as our brother or sister, we have the choice to share our hearts and minds and souls with them or not. Courtesy asks that we share ourselves and the love that comes from Christ. We share, not because we see someone lacking, but because courtesy allows us to see someone for whom we are grateful, appreciative, and in whom we see Spirit looking back. We see our oneness in them.
Robert Fulghum says in his book, “And it is still true, no matter how old you are-when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”
Courtesy is a powerful virtue that can transform our lives and the lives of those around us. It is a reflection of Christ’s love and a testament to our faith. It is my prayer that we will commit to practicing courtesy in our daily interactions, showing kindness, respect, and love to everyone we meet.
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