Navigating Conflict and Differences

6/29/2025

Today I want to reflect on a topic that touches every single one of our lives, often with discomfort, sometimes with pain, but always with the potential for growth and deeper understanding, and that is navigating conflict and differences. And oh my, we do have challenges here.

God loves diversity, and in a world as diverse as ours, even within the most loving communities and families, differences are inevitable. We come from various backgrounds, hold differing opinions, possess unique personalities, and experience life through distinct lenses. Just as one small example, there are somewhere between 45,000 and 49,000 different Christian denominations around the world.

It is no wonder then, that these differences, as well as the differences in agendas, beliefs, traditions, cultures, ethnicities, genetics, physical abilities, personalities, cognitive abilities, emotional responses, languages, family structures, educations, gender identities, and values can sometimes lead to friction, disagreement, and even open conflict.  Yet it is these same qualities that contribute to the rich tapestry of human society, fostering diverse perspectives, innovation, and understanding when navigated with empathy and respect.

So, as followers of Jesus Christ, how do we respond when we find ourselves in the midst of such tension? Do we withdraw? Do we retaliate? Do we insist we are correct, and everyone should believe as we do? Or do we lean into the wisdom and grace that God's Word offers us? The Bible, our timeless guide, provides profound principles for navigating these challenging waters, transforming potential division into opportunities for Christ-like harmony.

Conflict is a part of the human experience, and dealing with it is part of the anthology of lessons we are here to master. Even the early church, filled with the Holy Spirit, faced disagreements. There were disputes over who to take when out proselytizing. There were debates over Jewish law versus Gentile freedom. Conflict is a normal part of our connection with each other.

Differences are not inherently evil, but our egoistic nature often dictates how we react to conflicts. James 4:1 tells us, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” James nails it. Conflict often stems from our own desires, pride, or lack of understanding.

Psychologists tell us that conflict often arises from perceived incompatibility in needs, goals, or values, and is influenced by both internal factors (personality, emotions, biases) and external factors (socioeconomic context, cultural norms, power dynamics). It does not mean that these incompatibilities even exist, only that we perceive that they do. Our passions are at war within us, and that battle often erupts into the physical world.

So, how does God call us to respond? We are to know that love is the guiding principle. Our interactions, even in disagreement, must be rooted in love. 1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Colossians 3:14 teaches: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Love is not merely a feeling; it is a decision, an action. It means seeking the well-being of the other person, even when they frustrate us and push our buttons.

I have heard it said that “You can be right, or you can be happy.” Many of us would rather be right, which can stem from a desire for validation, control, or a need to be seen as knowledgeable or superior. Pride and ego are often the biggest obstacles in resolving conflict. They prevent us from admitting fault, seeing another's perspective, or even listening.  Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” This verse calls us to lay down our own agenda and consider the other. Proverbs 15:1 tells us: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Our words have power. A controlled tongue, guided by the Holy Spirit, can de-escalate tension.

Like it or not, our leaders set an example for our behaviors and attitudes. Our political leaders, religious leaders, business leaders, social innovators, science and educational leaders, cultural and media figures, and anyone seen by a large percentage of the population, serve as models in behavior, attitude, and conduct.

The Bible presents Jesus as the ultimate example. 1 John 2:6 says, “Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.” Paul echoes this in 1 Corinthians 11:1: “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.” Our primary model for life and conduct should be Christ.

Beyond Christ, our role models are to be those whose lives bear the fruit of the Spirit, as taught in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These attributes are foundational for trustworthy examples of how to manage conflict and differences, and how to live a godly life.

As a child of God, we are expected to live a life of integrity, reflecting Spirit in all we say and do. Proverbs 10:9 teaches: Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out. In Proverbs 11:3 we are told, “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” Being integrous means living honestly, consistently, and transparently before God and people, guided by truth and righteousness.

Before we can resolve anything, we must understand. This requires active, empathetic listening. James 1:19 says: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” We often jump to conclusions or formulate our rebuttal while the other person is still speaking. But true understanding comes from seeking to hear and grasp their perspective, especially if we do not agree with it.

Science concurs. In his journal by Joseph Sata, “A Comprehensive Analysis of Its Underlying Causes and Advanced Approaches to Resolution,” he concludes that communication, including active listening and expressing empathy, is crucial for resolving misunderstandings and preventing escalation. In other words, poor communication is a common catalyst for conflict.

After seeking understanding by asking questions to clarify misunderstandings, showing empathy for the other’s feelings and needs, and listening actively, it is possible to communicate clearly and respectfully. We can express our feelings and concerns honestly but gently, avoiding blame or harsh language.  We can find common ground by focusing on shared values and goals, looking for solutions that benefit both parties. Sometimes, both sides need to give a little. Collaboration and compromise can lead to solutions that honor everyone involved.

In any conflict, especially personal ones, hurt is almost inevitable. Forgiveness is not condoning the wrong but releasing the bitterness that can poison our hearts and relationships. From Ephesians 4:31-32: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” In Colossians 3:13 we are taught: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Forgiveness is a divine command and a pathway to our freedom.

Our ultimate goal should be reconciliation, not simply winning an argument. Romans 12:18 says: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Notice the phrase, “as far as it depends on you.” We are responsible for our part in pursuing peace, even if the other person is unwilling.

Sometimes, our differences are matters of preference, not principle. In such cases, we should focus on God’s Will and prioritize unity and building up one another. Romans 14:19: “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." Are we building up or tearing down? Is our opinion based upon love, or is it a preference that causes division?

Psalm 133:1 says, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” God promises His blessing where there is harmony. When we work for peace, we experience the refreshing, life-giving presence of the Lord.

Conflict is not our enemy; how we handle it is what matters. It is my prayer that we approach differences with humility, love, forgiveness, and a desire for reconciliation, for this reflects the heart of Christ. We become peacemakers, and in doing so, we are called children of God.

We demonstrate the transforming power and love of Spirit by anchoring ourselves in God's love, cultivating humility, practicing active listening, extending forgiveness, and pursuing peace. I pray that we face our differences, and approach them with the grace and wisdom of Christ, bringing healing and unity to our relationships and the world.