8/4/2024
Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother or sister is born for times of adversity.
I would like to speak about the virtue of friendliness this morning. This virtue is a composite of others, including kindness, loyalty, and affection. In a world often marked by division, isolation, and strife, the call to be friendly is like a beacon guiding us home, home to the love of God.
Research shows that we are social creatures. For early humans, isolation meant death, and we evolved because there was safety in numbers. Today, the power of friendship isn’t directly linked to survival, but it is still an essential aspect of human existence.
The power of friendship is such that lacking meaningful social bonds can negatively affect our physical health as well as our mental health, ranging from depression to stroke or heart disease. It has even been theorized that loneliness-related sleep problems may originate from an ingrained mechanism dating back to our early ancestors, who didn’t feel safe when alone. So, they had to remain alert and actually avoid falling asleep.
We unconsciously seek friends and connections. Sadly, the world offers counterfeit versions, which can lure us into traps. For example, the neighborhood bar imitates the genuine community Christ desires for His church. But it dispenses liquor instead of grace, escape instead of reality. Still, it is permissive, accepting, and inclusive, and we are drawn to it because God has woven into our hearts the desire to know and be known, to love and be loved, to be appreciated, accepted, and welcomed.
We are built to connect. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 tell us: Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Friendship is a good investment. Even beyond marriage, Solomon’s words apply to us all. When we work alongside others, our labor bears fruit. We lift each other when we stumble, warm each other in life’s cold nights, and stand strong against adversity.
In the Bible the ideas of friend and friendship involve three components: association, loyalty, and affection. There are also three levels of meaning. At the first level, friends by association only, these are people who happen to be around us, but we do not have a strong connection; they are associates, comrades.
At the second level, friends by association plus loyalty, these are people with whom we have an alliance; a commitment. In John 19:12 the Jewish people were shouting at Pilate, “If you let this man go, you are no friend of Caesar.” They were questioning Pilate’s loyalty to Ceasar.
The highest level of friendship combines association, loyalty, and affection. In the Bible the eldest son of King Saul, Jonathan, was close friends with David. When Saul sought to have his son kill David, Jonathan refused and convinced his father to reconcile with David. Jonathan was a true friend.
These true friendships are based upon Philia love, brotherly love, and are rare relationships. Think of the people you can talk to about anything, the ones you’ve known for a while, the ones you can always call. Think of the ones who you trust with your most inner thoughts, ideas, and desires, and who confide in you. Most of us have one or two, or at most a handful of these close relationships. This is natural, and the way of things. All friendships bless us, but the close relationships most of all.
Now think of all the friends you have on Facebook. How many of them fall into that category? Aren’t most associates? Most of them we don’t think about until we are notified it is their birthday.
The philosopher, Aristotle, one of the most brilliant minds to walk the earth, said “A friend to all is a friend to none.” He also taught that friendships consisted of three levels. The lowest level, friendship of utility, is based on what the two people involved can do for one another. We buy someone a drink so they might feel compelled to get us concert tickets or put in a good word for us. These friendships can end rapidly, as soon as any possible use for the other person is gone.
The next level is the friendship of pleasure. These are friendships based on enjoyment of a shared activity and the pursuit of fleeting pleasures and emotions. Again, this is often a short-lived connection as people may change what they like to do and suddenly be without this like-minded individual.
In these types of friendships, it is more about what we can get out of them than the other person’s value – something useful in the first, something pleasurable in the second. Personally, I don’t consider either of these connections to be friends. They are associations of convenience: buddies, ‘bros.’
The third Aristotle category is the true friend. It is the friendship of virtue. These are the people we like for who they are: loving, good, trustworthy. Aristotle laments the rarity of such friendships, but concedes they are possible when two virtuous people can invest the time needed to create such a bond.
True friends tell the truth—even when it hurts. They push us to be a better person. Their counsel brings gladness to the heart. They feel safe confiding in one another. Honesty, trust, unselfishness, and loyalty characterize godly friendship. Romans 12:10 says, “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” That is how friends treat each other.
Want more friends? Then become the type of person you would want to befriend. Let us look upon the world as friendly and extend a friendly hand of help to all who come our way. When we are preoccupied with necessary duties of the day, we can remember to keep our countenance radiant with Christlike friendliness. When we talk with others, lets us do so with friendly sincerity. We can remind ourselves that we are on this earth to let the healing friendliness of Jesus Christ express itself through us.
As we celebrate friendship, let us our relationship with the Divine. He knows our name, our struggles, and our deepest longings. His fellowship is genuine, accepting, and eternal. When we seek Christ, we find the truest community, a place of joy.
It is my prayer that we cultivate our garden of friendship. We plant seeds of friendship by reaching out through social events and activities. We nourish our friendships with regular contact. We fertilize our friendship seeds with appreciation and water them by being a good listener. We weed our garden by lovingly resolving conflicts. We prune it when necessary by lovingly releasing some relationships when they become more painful than beneficial. Then we celebrate our harvest together by acknowledging special occasions: birthdays, births, successes, and milestones.
Let us be the friend we long for—open-hearted, attentive, and willing to lift others. When we allow the virtue of friendliness to flow from us, we will attract perfect friends of all kinds. Let our church be a place where true fellowship flourishes, where the fragrance of loving friendship fills the air. I pray that we extend our hand in friendship to all and echo the very heartbeat of God.
May the Light of God, peace of Christ, the love of Spirit, and the warmth of true friendship be with you all.
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