10/20/2024
James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”
Today, I would like to reflect on a virtue that is often overlooked or misunderstood but is essential for our spiritual and personal growth: the virtue of asking for help. In a society that often glorifies self-sufficiency and independence, it can be difficult to admit when we need assistance. However, the Bible teaches us that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our faith and wisdom.
Asking for help is a mixture of humility, trust, community, and courage. To seek aid means recognizing that we do not have all the answers and that we need the support of others. Proverbs 11:2 reminds us, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” By humbling ourselves and asking for help, we open the door to wisdom and growth.
A study revealed that 21% of elementary school children were reluctant to ask for help. The primary reason for reticence was if the child perceived that their ability was being measured because of their request. If they believed they would be judged as dumb, or inept, they would not ask for help. On the other hand, kids had an easier time seeking support when they thought that their asking would positively affect their ability to attain a goal.
In contrast, a recent survey showed that 73% of adults hesitate to seek assistance. Our ego can get injured if we believe that asking for help will mean someone will view us as needy, not well equipped to do a task, or incompetent, we aren't likely to seek help. Our ego can also compel us to ask for frivolous, harmful, and shameful things. When pride comes, then comes disgrace.
To ask for assistance, whether from God or humankind, we must trust that we will be heard in a good light. When we ask God for help, we are trusting in God’s provision. Psalm 121:2 “My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” God is our ultimate source of help, and He often works through the people around us to provide the support we need. By asking for help from any child of God we are placing our faith in His divine plan.
The act of opening up and asking for help fosters a sense of community and interdependence. Galatians 6:2 encourages us to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” When we ask for aid, we allow others to fulfill their calling to serve and support one another. This creates a strong, loving community where everyone can thrive.
To ask something of God requires trust; to ask something of another person requires courage. It takes bravery to admit our vulnerabilities and to trust others with our struggles. Hebrews 4:16 urges us, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Let us be bold in our requests, knowing that God is ready to extend His grace and mercy.
So how can we overcome the fears that we have from childhood about asking for help? How can we ask in such a way that makes us look strong not weak, and harness God’s power?
One solution is to frame our question with strength. If we frame our need as assisting us in improving our performance, skills, knowledge, or so that we can be more productive, this will empower us to ask. That is because we aren't viewing ourselves as needy or incompetent. Rather, we are seeking to solve a problem or improve ourselves or our situation. This is an important distinction to make. We want to see ourselves as proactive. This provides a potential helper with something specific to help us with.
Approach asking with confidence. Everyone needs help at some point, so don’t apologize for it. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry to bother you,” try saying, “I would appreciate your help with this.” This tells them that you value their expertise and are confident in seeking their assistance.
Second, people like to help people who ask for help. Last week we discussed reaching out as a virtue. This week the virtue is to enable someone to reach out to us. Most people are eager to help others. This is why volunteering, mentoring, and philanthropy endeavors are so popular. Acts 20:35 is true: It is more blessed to give than to receive. Giving others an opportunity to give is especially worthwhile when there is meaning, and productivity attached to it.
Just know that people are wise and can see through thinly disguised attempts to avoid effort or hard work. People do not like to enable others. But people like to help when they know how they can help. When we ask for help, let us be specific and prepared. We can clearly define what we need help with and why. For example, “I’ve tried X, Y, and Z, but I’m still struggling with this part. Could you provide some guidance?” This demonstrates that we have tried and are now seeking targeted advice.
Let them know how their aid will benefit us. Frame the request in terms of how it will help us improve or be more productive. For example, “I believe your insights could help me complete this project more efficiently and effectively.” “I believe your experience can help me understand this situation more clearly.” This shows that you are focused on growth and efficiency.
This is true when asking help from God. Although God knows what we have done to help ourselves, we may not be aware. Think through what it is that we are asking of God. If we don’t know what we need, let God know that, as well. God is ready to send the right and perfect people into our lives. Just ask.
A powerful way to learn to ask for help is by helping others. When we help others, it gives us perspective on how it feels to give service. We can notice how much enjoyment we receive from helping a person solve a problem. Allowing ourselves to see “the other side” of the giving cycle enables us to see that we aren't a burden, incompetent, or needy. We become better at asking for help when we've had the chance to give assistance.
The last suggestion for expanding our abilities to ask for aid, is to express gratitude. Always thank the person for their help. Showing appreciation reinforces the positive interaction and encourages future support. Philippians 4:6 tells us – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Offer to help in return. For example, “I appreciate your help with this. If there’s anything I can assist you with, please let me know.”
This fosters a sense of mutual support and collaboration. By saying this to God, it makes it clearer – to us – that we trust Spirit and intend to align our will with God’s will.
What matters is our intent. Are we asking for help to solve a problem, further ourselves, our work or agenda, or for ego-driven desires? Remember, most people want to help and will be excited to see us succeed because they will be a part of that success.
It is my prayer that we understand that seeking help is a virtuous act that embodies humility, trust, community, and courage. We are told in Matthew 7:7: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” To seek help is not weakness, but the source of Christs’ power within us. It is evidence of our faith and wisdom, a demonstration of our commitment and trust in God. As we go forth today, may we be open to seeking and offering help, building a supportive and loving world of love that reflects the grace of God.
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